Yescoin Promises Big Crypto Rewards. All You Have to Do is Tap, Spin, and Believe!

In the grand tradition of Web3 projects launching with valuations plucked from thin air, Yescoin has proudly declared its public sale will take place on March 11, with a Fully Diluted Valuation (FDV) of $35 million. What’s that valuation based on? Vibes.

According to the latest dispatch from the self-referential echo chamber of blockchain startups, Yescoin aims to redefine engagement by rewarding users for, well, tapping their screens. Because nothing says “revolutionary financial technology” like turning your phone into a 21st-century slot machine. Users can mine Yescoin by frantically tapping their screens (conveniently without considering the environmental footprint of mining, but hey, details), and they can even increase their “mining power” through in-game power-ups. If that sounds like a game designed for a toddler on an iPad, that’s because it basically is.

But don’t worry, Yescoin has built an “equitable token distribution model,” which is Web3 code for “the insiders already got their cut.” They’re also offering a two-tier referral system, which, if you squint hard enough, starts looking like a multi-level marketing scheme, but with more steps. The kicker? A prize wheel. Yes, a literal Wheel of Fortune that doles out crypto goodies and, presumably, the chance to land on a space marked Oops, Market Volatility!

Despite being headquartered in a jurisdiction best known for its lax financial regulations (hello, Saint Vincent and the Grenadines!), Yescoin claims it’s on track to reach 100 million users by 2025. Because if there’s one thing Web3 startups excel at, it’s projecting wildly ambitious user growth without ever explaining how they’ll actually achieve it.

As is customary with these announcements, there’s an urgent call to action for early investors to get in now before the inevitable downturn. Will Yescoin be the next billion-dollar gamified crypto success, or just another blip in the long history of blockchain-based wishful thinking? Either way, we recommend keeping one hand on your wallet—and the other off that spin-to-win button.