Verkada Raises $200M to Define Security in a Way You Didn’t Know Needed Defining

In the latest episode of "Tech Companies That Swear They Invented Something New," Verkada has raised a cool $200 million. The press release, which reads like it was spit out by an AI optimized for maximum buzzword density, claims Verkada is delivering "category-defining" security solutions. What does that mean? Nobody knows. But it sounds important. Maybe it’s defining a category where you can ask, “Hey, cloud overlord, show me every time Dave stole my lunch from the office fridge,” and actually get an answer in seconds.

Their "six product lines"—which include video security cameras, door-based access control, and environmental sensors—are all conveniently funneled into a natively integrated cloud-based software platform. Verkada's AI-powered "category-defining" features now allow for natural language searches, meaning you can type in "Show me every time Greg looked suspicious near the supply closet," and the system will magically serve up clips of Greg minding his own business—before you call HR anyway.

The company’s CEO, Filip Kaliszan, is understandably thrilled about the cash infusion, proudly stating that "more than 1.5 million Verkada devices are online protecting people and places across the globe." A beautiful sentiment.

So, what’s next for Verkada? More AI, more funding, more cameras, and more assurances that this is totally fine and not at all dystopian. In the meantime, go ahead and wave to the cloud—you never know who’s watching.