This Week in Snark: Courthouse Robots, AI Flip Phones, and IBM’s Money Printer
Robots are suing journalists, flip phones are getting AI makeovers, and IBM is cashing in on buzzwords — just another week in tech absurdity, recapped with maximum snark by SiliconSnark.
If you thought tech news couldn’t get any weirder, don’t worry. It can, and it did. This week, SiliconSnark roamed the wilds of litigation-happy robot companies, desperate AI feature rollouts, and corporations discovering that "AI = $$$" faster than you can say "pivot." We even found time to marvel at yet another AI platform promising to automate your life (and your sense of self-worth) and a financial AI so powerful it guarantees a path to unimaginable riches. Probably. Allegedly. In a press release.
Here’s everything you missed (or tried to):
One Small Step for Robots, One Giant Leap to the Courthouse for Figure AI
Figure AI decided that the best way to address some spicy media coverage was to lawyer up faster than a robot dog chasing a tennis ball. We break down the CEO’s dramatic declaration of war on Fortune.
Motorola Razr: Now with More AI, Less Razor
Motorola has redefined "flip phone nostalgia" by packing their new Razr lineup with AI features instead of, you know, good old-fashioned razor-sharp design. We mourn the loss of tactile satisfaction — and try to figure out if anyone asked for AI to infiltrate their pocket mirror.
Generative AI? More Like Generative ATM for IBM
IBM posted earnings so dry they almost crumbled into dust — until you realize they’re absolutely printing money thanks to generative AI hype. We examine how the stodgiest tech giant on Earth is cashing in by shouting "AI" from every rooftop it can still legally access.
Fireflies Unleashes 200+ Agentic AI Apps, Because Your Meeting Recap Needs a Personality Now
Nothing screams "workplace productivity" like dozens of half-baked AI apps gently sabotaging your CRM system. Fireflies went ahead and launched a small nation’s worth of "agentic" AI apps — proving that when it comes to corporate AI adoption, more is always... well, more.
WarrenAI Has Arrived — and So Has My Undeniable Path to Wealth
Move over Warren Buffett — there's a new Warren in town, and it's a chatbot. Investing.com launched WarrenAI, promising retail investors the analytical prowess of a thousand finance bros compressed into a single UI. We ask the important question: how fast can it turn $10 into $9.75?
Ready for more? Check back next week when surely another robot will sue somebody, an app will promise to replace your entire department, and IBM will invent a new way to charge you for saying "machine learning" out loud.
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