This Week in Snark: Freelance 'Helpers,' Surveillance Overlords, and the Latest Google ‘Killer’ (LOL)

Here’s your “This Week in Snark” recap for Week 2 of SiliconSnark—where we dive into the most absurd, overfunded, and overhyped happenings in tech.

Genspark Raises $100M to Take on Google, Investors Display Advanced Stage of Wishful Thinking

Another week, another startup claiming to be the Google Killer. Genspark secured a cool $100 million to reimagine search for the AI era—because nothing has ever gone wrong for search startups trying to unseat a company that literally defines the industry.

Twitch Just Killed My Career: A Streamer’s Lament

Twitch decided that 100 hours of video storage is more than enough for streamers, which is basically a death sentence for anyone who treats their content archive like the Library of Alexandria, but for rage compilations.

Verkada Raises $200M to Define Security in a Way You Didn’t Know Needed Defining

Verkada just pulled in $200 million to “redefine” security, which is tech-speak for “install cameras everywhere and make sure your boss knows if you stole an extra granola bar from the break room.”

It’s totally not dystopian if they call it "a seamless cloud-integrated security ecosystem."

Fiverr Go: AI-Powered Creativity… for When You’re Ready to Be Replaced

Fiverr has launched Fiverr Go, an AI-powered freelancing tool that totally won’t eliminate actual freelancers—just, you know, "help them scale" until their AI replacement does the job for free.

Meta’s Subsea Cable Project “Waterworth” Takes the Ocean by Storm

Meta is going full Bond villain with Project Waterworth, a 50,000 km subsea cable system designed to… checks notes make AI work better?

Zuckerberg’s latest infrastructure flex will stretch across five continents, connecting places like India, Brazil, and South Africa to a faster, better internet—which is totally not about Meta collecting even more data, we swear.

That’s it for this week! Stay tuned for Week 3, where we’ll cover the next round of overhyped startups, AI-driven job theft, and tech CEOs doing their best impersonation of sci-fi villains.