This Week in Snark: 17 Hot Takes on Tech This Week, Because the Internet Demands It
"This Week in Snark" is back with 17 brutally honest, laugh-out-loud takes on the biggest tech news of the week. From AI hype and fintech flexes to MWC absurdities and PlayStation’s groundbreaking color change, we break down the industry's latest nonsense. Read the full snarkfest now!
After churning out 17 articles this week, our fingers are on the brink of filing a workplace injury claim. But unlike every press release we’ve read in the last seven days, we’ll keep this recap brief, readable, and free of 400-word mission statements. Let’s dive in.
PlayStation Redefines Innovation by Changing a Controller’s Color
Sony’s latest breakthrough in gaming: blue is now deep blue. At this pace, the PS6 might ship with an all-new shade of gray.
Disregard This Article: My Final Dispatch from Mobile World Congress
MWC 2024 in one sentence: More phones, more AI, and more existential dread.
Turing’s $111M Series E: When in Doubt, Just Say ‘AGI’
Startups, take note: If you’re struggling to raise funding, just whisper "AGI" and watch VCs throw cash at you.
DuckDuckGo’s AI Announcement Is Refreshingly Jargon-Free—So We Added the Buzzwords Back In
DuckDuckGo unveiled an AI feature without an avalanche of hyper-optimized, scalable, paradigm-shifting synergies. We fixed that for them.
Huawei’s MWC Takeover Continues—Now with 100% More RAMs and Giga
Huawei’s booth was so big, it had its own zip code. Also, their latest phone now comes with infinite RAM. Probably.
Tecno Reinvents Google Glass, Pretends It’s New
Tecno just announced smart glasses that look eerily like Google Glass. If you stare at them long enough, you can almost hear Larry Page sighing.
Enterprise AI Just Got Even More Confusing—And Salesforce Couldn’t Be Happier
Enterprise AI now means everything and nothing, and Marc Benioff wouldn’t have it any other way.
8 Searches You Should Do Right Now with the New Google AI Mode
Google AI mode still answers things wrong, but now in a more confident tone. Progress?
YouTube Launches Premium Lite Because ‘Premium’ Didn’t Have Enough Asterisks
The new Premium Lite isn’t ad-free, doesn’t include music, and costs money. So, basically just YouTube.
The Samsung Galaxy S25 AI—As Told in Verse
A phone so AI-infused, it practically writes sonnets about itself.
The Ship of iPad: A Metaphysical Inquiry into ‘New’
If Apple changes every part of the iPad, but it’s still just an iPad, is it really new? Tim Cook won’t answer our calls.
Huawei’s MWC Strategy: If You Can’t Impress with One Announcement, Try Four
Huawei’s approach to MWC: Why drop one big product when you can overwhelm people with five million announcements?
Ramp’s $13B Valuation: Another Fintech Victory Lap We Couldn’t Ignore
Ramp’s secret to a $13B valuation? Excel, but sexier.
First Orion Has Reinvented the Phone Call
Spam calls are still a thing, but now you might know who’s spamming you. Innovation!
8 Absolutely Essential Reasons You Need a Tri-Foldable Phone
It folds three times! Finally, a phone as complicated as your love life.
Deutsche Telekom and Perplexity Announce AI Phone, Achieve New High Score in Buzzword Bingo
If AI and 5G had a baby raised by corporate synergy, this phone would be it.
Lenovo’s New Laptops Fold, Flip, and Even Soak Up the Sun
Lenovo’s latest innovation: A laptop so flexible, it could teach yoga.
That’s it for this week. If you made it this far without Googling ‘carpal tunnel relief,’ congrats! We’ll be back next week, assuming our fingers survive.
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