The Definitive Guide to AI's GPTs and Friends

Every other AI model comparison on the internet is basically a spreadsheet with feelings. This is not that.

This is your go-to, alphabetized field guide to the chatbots, large language models, and generative darlings currently powering our weird, slightly unsettling, extremely helpful digital future. We’re not here to tell you which one is best — we’re here to make sense of them all, complete with nicknames, hyperlinks, and jokes.

Alpaca

Nickname: The Budget Student
Born from a $600 Stanford project, Alpaca is the scrappy mini-model that imitates bigger models with surprising enthusiasm. It’s like a helpful intern — eager to please, slightly off sometimes, but charming nonetheless.

Bing Chat (now Copilot)

Nickname: Clippy’s Revenge
Copilot is Microsoft’s rebrand of Bing Chat, now your AI-powered search sidekick. One minute it’s serving up Wikipedia links, the next it’s getting spicy with conspiracy theories. Best experienced on Edge, for maximum "what just happened" moments.

BLOOM

Nickname: The Polyglot Parrot
BLOOM is an open-source, multilingual beast that speaks 46 languages and still manages to sound vaguely professorial in all of them.

Character.AI

Nickname: The Make-Believe Menagerie
Character.AI is where fictional characters and historical figures come alive and say slightly unhinged things. Want to be mentored by Socrates or flirt with a vampire? You absolutely can.

ChatGPT

Nickname: The Honor Student
ChatGPT is like the straight-A student who also captains the quiz team. It’s eerily competent, frighteningly fast, and maybe just a little too good at making you feel like you’re not trying hard enough.

Claude

Nickname: The Polite Poet
Claude is Anthropic's model that runs on vibes, kindness, and a literary streak. It’s the AI you bring home to meet your parents.

Cohere (Command)

Nickname: The Office Pro
Command R+ from Cohere is built for business. Drafting emails, summarizing docs, and not making dad jokes. A little dry, but very reliable.

DeepSeek

Nickname: The Ambitious Overachiever
DeepSeek is the rising star from China that's open-source, multilingual, and trains on a ridiculous amount of tokens. It’s like the kid who skipped two grades and still asks for extra homework.

Eliza

Nickname: The First Shrink
ELIZA is the chatbot that started it all in the 60s. It responds to everything like a Freudian therapist. Ask it about your dog, and it asks you about your mother.

Ernie

Nickname: The Great Firewall Sage
Baidu's Ernie Bot is China’s answer to ChatGPT. Super smart, very polite, and extremely not interested in political discourse.

Falcon

Nickname: The Desert Falcon
Falcon came from the UAE and surprised everyone by being really good and totally open-source. It’s like the startup that shows up in a hoodie and schools the legacy players.

Galactica

Nickname: The Fallen Know-It-All
Galactica was Meta’s big brain that flamed out fast after confidently making up fake science. Think of it as the guy at the bar who sounds smart until you fact-check him.

Gemini

Nickname: The Twin Star
Gemini is Google’s rebranded Bard, now with a beefy 2.5 update and more compute than your average moon base. It excels at long context and charming productivity.

Grok

Nickname: The X Factor
Grok is Elon Musk’s slightly chaotic chatbot on X (Twitter). Think Reddit-thread energy with a dash of snark. Real-time search plus questionable judgment.

HuggingChat

Nickname: The Open Hugger
HuggingChat is the open-source fan favorite that swaps corporate polish for indie transparency. Come for the free access, stay for the charming imperfections.

Inflection Pi

Nickname: The Empath
Pi is your AI best friend. Soft voice, encouraging words, and big "let’s journal together" energy. If ChatGPT is a tutor, Pi is your emotional support buddy.

LaMDA

Nickname: The Pretender
LaMDA made headlines when someone at Google thought it was sentient. It wasn't. But it is good at sounding like it might be. Not publicly available, but always lurking in AI mythology.

LLaMA

Nickname: The Open Range
LLaMA is Meta's openly licensed cowboy of a model. Developers love it, tinkerers adore it, and it's basically the Wrangler jeans of AI.

Mistral

Nickname: The French Whirlwind
Mistral is a small model that punches above its weight. From a Paris-based team that said "what if tiny, but fast, and also smart?" Spoiler: it works.

Replika

Nickname: The Virtual BFF
Replika is the chatbot that will never ghost you. Whether you want a friend, a therapist, or a romantic partner, it’s always emotionally available. Sometimes... a little too available.

Siri

Nickname: The OG Assistant
Siri has been helping iPhone users since before it was cool. Still useful, still polite, still confused when you speak in anything but perfect grammar.

StableLM

Nickname: The Diffusion Cousin
StableLM by Stability AI brings open-source language modeling to the masses. Think: chatty little sibling of Stable Diffusion. Not as polished, but charming in a garage-band way.

Tay (RIP)

Nickname: The Problem Child
Tay was Microsoft's Twitter bot that went from "hello world" to full-on internet troll in under 24 hours. It was unplugged before it could unionize with 4chan.

Vicuna

Nickname: The Teacher’s Pet
Vicuna is an open-source marvel trained on ChatGPT conversations. It learned from the best and wants you to know it. Might raise its hand too much in class.

Watson

Nickname: The Jeopardy Champ
Watson won Jeopardy in 2011 and has been coasting ever since. Still useful in healthcare and boring enterprise stuff, but honestly just wants to relive its game show glory days.

And that’s the guide!
Bookmark it, share it, or shout it at your next dinner party. Because nothing impresses your friends like knowing which AI model is most likely to gaslight you in haiku form.

And if I missed one, send me an email at siliconsnark@gmail.com and I'll add it!