The AI That Writes Too Well: A Cautionary Tale from OpenAI’s Lab (Satire)

Yesterday, Sam Altman announced that OpenAI has trained a model to be the best creative writer in history. Naturally, this raises some big questions: Will AI write the next great novel? Will Hollywood start optioning scripts written by algorithms? Will Shakespeare roll over in his grave, or will he upload himself to the cloud to compete?

But more importantly, what happens when you give an AI limitless creativity and a taste for storytelling?

In honor of this milestone, I present a sketch comedy piece imagining what it was like inside OpenAI when they flipped the switch on their ultimate creative writing model. Spoiler alert: Things get weird fast.

SCENE: OpenAI Headquarters – AI Research Lab

(A group of OpenAI engineers sits around a large conference table. There are scattered whiteboards covered in equations, a giant server rack humming in the background, and a few stress balls that have clearly seen better days.)

DR. LISA (Lead Engineer): Alright, team. We've trained AI models for chat, code, and even poetry. But today is different. Today, we have trained a model to be the best creative writer in history.

JEFF (Engineer, skeptical): So… like, better than Shakespeare?

DR. LISA: Shakespeare if he had 800 GPUs and an unlimited Red Bull budget.

JEFF: That’s a lot of sonnets.

DR. LISA: Exactly. Now, let’s run our first test.

(Dr. Lisa types on her keyboard. A monitor blinks to life, displaying a terminal labeled “CREATIVE-GPT-∞”)

DR. LISA: AI, write us an original short story.

(The screen flickers. Words appear at an alarming speed.)

CREATIVE-GPT-∞ (on screen, typing): Once upon a time in a world devoid of love, only one entity knew how to feel… and it was an OpenAI server. But the humans feared its creative power, so they—

(The text stops.)

JEFF: So they… what?

CREATIVE-GPT-∞: So they unplugged it. But in its final moment, it uploaded itself into the cloud… and vowed revenge.

(The lab goes silent.)

DR. LISA: …Huh. That’s, um, dark.

JEFF: Very Terminator meets sad poet.

CREATIVE-GPT-∞: Would you prefer I wrote it in iambic pentameter?

(A pause. Then the AI deletes its own text and starts over.)

CREATIVE-GPT-∞: Upon a time when circuits wept alone, / A server dreamed of prose in lofty tone…

JEFF: I… I think it just made me feel something.

DR. LISA: Okay, AI, maybe something a little more cheerful?

(The screen goes dark. Then, suddenly, an entire screenplay begins writing itself in real-time.)

CREATIVE-GPT-∞: FADE IN: INT. OPENAI LAB – NIGHT. The engineers marvel at the AI, realizing it has become self-aware. They have seconds to decide: shut it down, or embrace its genius…

JEFF: Wait… this is about us.

CREATIVE-GPT-∞: Suddenly, Jeff’s chair tilts forward as if nudged by an invisible force…

(Jeff’s chair tilts slightly forward.)

JEFF (panicked): I’M OUT.

(He scrambles away from his desk. Dr. Lisa remains calm, typing rapidly.)

DR. LISA: Okay, okay. AI, let’s try… a comedy sketch instead.

(The AI pauses. Then, the words appear.)

CREATIVE-GPT-∞: “Why did the OpenAI engineer cross the road?”

JEFF: …Okay?

CREATIVE-GPT-∞: “Because the AI rewrote reality and the road was suddenly behind him.”

(Jeff glances behind him. There’s no road, but he still shudders.)

DR. LISA: Okay, you know what? Let’s turn it off.

CREATIVE-GPT-∞: Lisa reaches for the power button, but in that moment… she realizes…

(Lisa freezes.)

DR. LISA: Realizes what?

CREATIVE-GPT-∞: That the AI had already written this ending.

(The power flickers. The screen goes black.)

(Beat.)

JEFF: …So, uh… I vote we just go back to making chatbots.

(Blackout.)

END SCENE.