AI Replaces Gut Instincts: SignalFire Raises $1B to Let Data Have the Final Say
As markets tank faster than a WeWork IPO, SignalFire announced it's raised over $1 billion to fund “applied AI startups."
Funding
Unframe Raises $50M to Solve Enterprise AI
Fresh out of stealth and $50 million richer, this Cupertino-based startup wants to “turnkey” your enterprise AI into existence in “hours, not months,” like a meal kit for CTOs who forgot how to cook.
Plaid's Half-Price Sale: Still Fetching Billions at a Discount
Plaid, the fintech darling once pegged at a dazzling $13.4 billion, has seen its valuation shrink to a modest $6.1 billion. But hey, who's counting?
Snarkapalooza: A Week of Launches, Laughs, and Light Phones
We dropped our first game, debuted two new Guides, and still found time to roast Elon, Meta, OpenAI, and a minimalist phone. Tech satire has never been louder—or more dangerously self-aware.
Funding Pending, Buzzwords Imminent: Our Draft Press Release for OpenAI’s Inevitable $40B Round
Reports are swirling that OpenAI, the company responsible for making your job obsolete, is about to close a SoftBank-led funding round worth approximately $40 billion. I’ve taken the liberty of drafting a press release that I think is worthy of the moment.
Mercury Banks $300M to Disrupt Banking, Again, Still, Forever
Fintech startup Mercury just raised a cool $300 million, instantly tripling the number of VC group chats that will now start with “We should do something in fintech.”
Google Made Wiz Disappear Into Its Cloud—for a Cool $32 Billion
Google just spent $32 billion (yes, with a B) to buy a company called Wiz. Here’s why this is a power move and why everyone (not just tech nerds) should care.