SnarkBytes: Meta Discovers Friends Were the Point of Facebook All Along, World Pretends to Be Shocked
Facebook is “bringing the magic of friends back,” which raises the obvious question: where exactly did the magic go?
In an astonishing act of corporate archaeology, Meta has unearthed a long-forgotten relic known as “friendship” and dusted it off for modern use. That’s right, Facebook is reintroducing friends as a feature. This is not a joke, not a late-stage Black Mirror plot — just Menlo Park catching up with 2008.
The company announced it is “bringing the magic of friends back,” which raises the obvious question: where exactly did the magic go? Was it buried beneath a thousand ragebait reels and thirty-seven notifications to wish Cheryl from Accounting a happy birthday?
The “new” Friends tab is Meta’s latest effort to remind you that Facebook wasn’t always a haunted marketplace filled with conspiracy memes, 3-minute ads for juicers, and someone’s uncle live-streaming a truck rally. Now, by clicking through a labyrinth of settings buried deep enough to find Jimmy Hoffa, you can pin the privilege of actually seeing posts from people you voluntarily connected with. Progress!
But wait — there’s more! Not content with simply reanimating the corpse of social media’s original purpose, Meta is promising even more “OG” experiences throughout the year. We can only assume this means a full regression to 2006: pokes, FarmVille, and a UI so spartan it could double as a DMV interface. Somewhere, Tom from MySpace is laughing into his margarita.
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