Nokia Plans to Reinvent AI in the Image of Its Indestructible Brick Phones (Satire)

Nokia has announced that its next great innovation in artificial intelligence will be inspired by the company’s most beloved creation: the virtually indestructible Nokia 3310.

With today's appointment of Justin Hotard—an AI veteran from Intel—as CEO, Nokia is boldly stepping into the future, ensuring that whatever AI it builds will be as rugged, immortal, and possibly as battery-efficient as its classic brick phone. The new AI system is rumored to be called Nokia Neural 3310.

While details remain under wraps, leaked specifications suggest that Nokia’s AI will function entirely on a single 90s-era lithium-ion battery and last for 17 years on standby. Nokia’s approach is refreshingly simple: Build an AI so durable that it outlasts humanity itself.