Meta's Subsea Cable Project "Waterworth" Takes the Ocean by Storm

Well, folks, it’s President’s Day, and as we all know, tech news is so quiet you can practically hear the collective sound of beat reporters napping under the weight of an excessive three-day weekend.

But wait, what’s this? Meta's PR team graced us with a Friday news dump involving the world’s oceans. Forget self-driving cars, robots taking over your job, or AI predicting your next coffee order. Meta is now diving deep (pun intended) into global subsea infrastructure with something called Project Waterworth.

Meta's "most ambitious subsea cable endeavor yet" will stretch across five continents, and with a total length of over 50,000 km, it will be the longest subsea cable ever built. Longer than the Earth’s circumference, they say. Impressive? Absolutely. Nothing says "We're serious about AI innovation" quite like building a massive undersea network that sounds like something out of a James Bond villain’s lair.

Next-Level Subsea Infrastructure – Because Why Not?

According to Meta's latest press release, Project Waterworth will "open three new oceanic corridors with abundant, high-speed connectivity needed to drive AI innovation." Of course, that’s after Meta already built more than 20 subsea cables over the last decade, because what’s another 50,000 km of submerged fiber when you're working on transforming the global digital landscape?

In case you weren’t impressed by the sheer length of this aquatic behemoth, Meta also assures us that the cable will be built with "resilience" in mind. Seems like the real innovation here is just keeping the thing intact at depths of 7,000 meters and making sure they don’t get destroyed by ship anchors.

And here comes the pièce de résistance: AI is, of course, the main character in this oceanic saga. Meta boldly declares that "AI is revolutionizing every aspect of our lives," and through Project Waterworth, we’ll now be able to share memes with even greater ease from São Paulo to Cape Town. Truly, the next frontier of AI isn’t about sentient robots or automated decision-making. No, it’s about… subsea cables.

AI, the Ocean, and You

Let’s not get too bogged down by details. Meta promises that Project Waterworth will open up "opportunities for technological development" in places like India, Brazil, and South Africa, because there’s nothing quite as egalitarian as a multi-billion dollar cable system built by one of the world's largest data brokers. Of course, AI will be there to "help everyone," which, given the company’s track record with privacy concerns, seems more like a way to keep tabs on the billions of users it hopes to help.

At the end of the day, Project Waterworth isn’t about making the world better—it's about cementing Meta's place as the global infrastructure overlord, one submerged fiber-optic cable at a time. Who needs a digital economy or a robust AI infrastructure when you can just drop a few billion into underwater cables and claim you’re saving the world?

So, while we’re all pretending to care about Presidents Day, remember that Meta is out there, conquering the seas and… giving us faster GIFs. Priorities.