Meet Strato M: The Video Player for People Who’ve Run Out of Things to Buy

Ah yes, the world’s cries have finally been answered — another video player. Kaleidescape, a company that’s been quietly shipping “the ultimate movie platform” for over two decades without anyone noticing, has unveiled the Strato M, a budget-conscious (read: still wildly expensive) movie player for people who believe “streaming” is too pedestrian. With “reference 2K video” — which is apparently better than Blu-ray, but not quite 4K — the Strato M is here to boldly redefine what it means to be a movie enthusiast with a yacht.

In a move that screams “entry-level for people with private screening rooms,” the Strato M lets you store up to six whole movies — yes, six — on its internal SSD, and then deletes them 48 hours after you watch them. Because who doesn’t want a premium device that treats your $30 movie purchase like a Snapchat? If you’re lucky enough to also own a Terra Prime movie server (presumably located next to your cryogenically frozen Walt Disney head), you can re-download your precious content and re-enter the high bit-rate promised land.

And let’s talk about that movie store. Kaleidescape offers “the only” digital library with lossless audio and reference video — which is great if your idea of convenience involves downloading a movie for ten minutes before watching it. Meanwhile, peasants with Netflix are probably already halfway through their popcorn before Strato M even gets its Dolby Vision pants on.

Look, we get it, Kaleidescape isn’t trying to be the next Roku. It’s here for the AV purist who believes movie night isn’t complete without 4:2:2 chroma subsampling and a $12,000 home cinema install. But as far as mass appeal goes? Let’s just say most consumers aren’t itching to replace their Apple TV with a system that needs a dealer locator and possibly a trust fund.