Apple Vision Pro Enters Its “Look Mom, I’m Smart!” Era with Apple Intelligence and Spatial Schmancy
Apple Vision Pro now comes with AI features that help you write better, emoji harder, and see the world through a curated lens of spatial fabulousness.
Hold on to your retinal implants, tech lovers, because Apple has just unleashed visionOS 2.4, a.k.a. the software update that lets your $3,500 ski goggles finally pretend to have a personality. Introducing: Apple Intelligence. Not to be confused with artificial intelligence, because this one is™Apple-branded,™features™capitalization™and™extreme™privacy.™
Yes, that’s right. Apple Vision Pro now comes with AI features that help you write better, emoji harder, and see the world through a curated lens of spatial fabulousness. It’s like ChatGPT had a baby with a curated gallery, and that baby only eats organic pixels.
✍️ Rewrite Your Soul, One Email at a Time
Do you find your writing too honest, human, or emotionally resonant? Not to worry! Apple’s new Writing Tools will proofread, rewrite, and summarize your thoughts until your personality has been thoroughly Cupertino’d into oblivion. Choose from exciting tones like “Professional,” “Friendly,” or “Just Let Me Hit Send Already.”
And yes, Compose lets you ask ChatGPT to write content for you… on Apple’s headset… which is sitting on your face… while you stare into the digital void wondering if you’re even real anymore.
🎨 Image Playground: Because Reality Is Overrated
Need a photo of your grandma skydiving while dressed as a disco unicorn in Dubai? Done. The Image Playground lets you generate AI images from text, costumes, and accessories, and can even recreate your loved ones in uncanny valley realism. Finally, grandma can be immortalized as a space pirate whether she likes it or not.
😂 Genmoji: Emojis That Are 3% Smarter Than You
Move over, regular emojis. Apple has launched Genmoji, the AI-generated emoji feature for people who need a taco-wearing-a-top-hat emoji now. Type a description, and boom—your existential dread can now be visually represented as a “sad robot in a hammock.”
🖼️ Spatial Gallery: Curated Reality for the Masses
Ever wanted to consume art, culture, and Porsche-branded content in 3D while strapped to a cyber-visor? The new Spatial Gallery makes that dream—if you can call it that—a reality. Dive into handpicked “experiences” from Red Bull, Cirque du Soleil, and Keith Urban (yes, that Keith Urban), because nothing says futuristic innovation like watching The Morning Show in a dome of pixels.
📱 The Apple Vision Pro App for iPhone: Because You Still Need Your Phone
Now you can browse Vision Pro apps on your iPhone, because navigating an app store inside the headset might’ve been one immersion layer too far. Also helpful if you’re using the headset to cosplay as an isolated future ghost and can’t be bothered to remove it.
👥 Guest Mode: Share the Dystopia
Want to show a friend your $3,500 headset without letting them touch your curated vision of the future? Guest Mode now lets you control their experience, choose what apps they can use, and mirror the chaos to your iPhone. Fun for the whole surveillance-aware family.
🍿 Coming Soon in 3D-ish
Finally, new Apple Immersive Video experiences are here to remind us that, yes, Bono has feelings, and Yankee Stadium still exists. VIP: Yankee Stadium promises an “all-encompassing” view of sweaty sports fandom, while Stories of Surrender is Bono’s holographic therapy session.
So there you have it: the future of computing, now with more emojis, curated gallery vibes, and AI features you could’ve just used on your Mac. But hey, if you’ve got $3,500 burning a hole in your retina, might as well let Apple Intelligence tell you how to spell “ephemeral.”
Coming next: Apple Soul. Now with 20% more privacy.
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