Apple Finally Succumbs to AI Hype, Announces Half-Trillion Dollar Infrastructure Binge

For months, Apple had smugly positioned itself as the only major tech giant not throwing cash at AI infrastructure. While Microsoft, Google, Amazon, and even Elon Musk’s various pet projects were busy hoarding GPUs like they were post-apocalyptic survival rations, Apple seemed content to stand back, sip its artisanal Cupertino cold brew, and pretend it was above it all.

But in the end, even Apple couldn't resist the siren song of AI hype. In a stunning reversal, the company has announced plans to spend $500 billion over the next four years, with a significant chunk of that going into AI and silicon engineering. That’s right—half a trillion dollars. Apparently, Apple looked at the market, saw OpenAI printing money while running its servers on the tears of Nvidia engineers, and thought, Why not us?

Of course, Apple’s late entry into AI arms-racing is totally on brand. The company has a long history of waiting until a trend is mature before swooping in with a polished, highly-marketed version that makes people think they invented it. Just as they did with big phone screens (ugh, fine), wearables (okay, now it’s cool), and USB-C (courage!), Apple is finally joining the AI infrastructure party after spending months pretending it wasn’t interested.

This is about ensuring that Apple’s walled garden gets a fresh coat of AI-powered ivy—one that’s so proprietary, so “magically seamless,” that it locks users in for another decade. Expect announcements about Apple Intelligence™, a line of “ethically sourced” AI models that only work within Apple’s ecosystem and are optimized to help you find your AirPods while subtly nudging you to buy new ones.