AI Replaces Gut Instincts: SignalFire Raises $1B to Let Data Have the Final Say

As markets tank faster than a WeWork IPO, SignalFire, a venture capital firm announced it's raised over $1 billion to fund “applied AI startups,” because nothing says “safe haven during a tariff-induced economic spiral” like betting big on glorified autocomplete.

The new cash infusion brings the firm's assets under management to ~$3B, just in time to buy the dip... of startups that promise to “revolutionize” things like how you schedule a dentist appointment.

“Our investors see what we see — applied AI is the defining opportunity of our time,” said founder Chris Farmer, while presumably riding a Peloton powered by predictive analytics.

This is the first VC firm to proudly declare it's “built like a technology company,” because apparently everyone forgot that tech companies are famous for massive layoffs, overhyped launches, and pivoting into bankruptcy. Their proprietary machine learning engine, Beacon AI, claims to track 650 million humans and 80 million companies, which sounds less like “investment research” and more like a Bond villain’s pitch deck.

Here's my interpretation of their press release:

• “AI-Native VC” = We use spreadsheets with Python scripts and call it “machine learning.”
• “Beacon AI” = The world's largest LinkedIn scraper with a slightly more dystopian brand.
• “Exceptional investor confidence” = LPs desperate to pretend they understand AI so they don’t get left behind like it’s 2012 crypto.
• “Early-stage” focus = Betting on startups before they realize their business model is actually just “hope.”
• “Implementation, not invention” = We’re here to slap AI onto boring industries and charge 10x.

So while your retirement account is reenacting The Big Short in real time, SignalFire is throwing a billion-dollar rager where AI the guest of honor. Nothing says “smart money” like handing investment decisions to a machine trained on LinkedIn profiles and vibes.