5 Things We Pray Hackers Never Learn from the Hertz Data Breach

Good evening, SiliconSnark readers. Tonight, in "Your Personal Life, Now on Clearance," we turn our headlights toward Hertz. The company just revealed that a vendor handling its data transfer services got breached, and hackers may have driven off with a trunkload of customer information.

The stolen loot? Oh, just your contact info, credit card details, driver's license number, and for a “small number” of you, your Social Security or passport data. But let’s be honest: the real fear isn’t identity theft. It’s what your rental history says about you as a person.

Here are five pieces of information we really hope don’t get out.

1. Your "Eco-Warrior" Persona vs. the 12 MPG Behemoth You Rented in Phoenix
You told your coworkers you were only flying to Arizona to attend a solar energy retreat. What you didn’t mention is that you upgraded to the “Desert Dominator” package, which is just a Hummer H2 with optional truck nuts. Now some hacker in Estonia knows you picked “Yes” on the “Would you like a V8 engine that can outrun a Prius in reverse?” checkbox.

2. The Spotify Playlist You Bluetooth’d into the Rental
You think you’re safe because it's “just a rental,” but Hertz logs everything, including the fact that your road trip to Reno was soundtracked exclusively by Nickelback’s Greatest Hits. Hackers now possess incontrovertible evidence that you know every word to Photograph — and that you’ve played it on repeat. Five times.

3. That “Business Trip” to Vegas
According to your calendar, you were in a three-day “strategic offsite” in Cleveland. According to Hertz’s timestamped GPS logs, you were doing donuts in a Dodge Challenger just outside of Caesar’s Palace at 2:43am. And now, according to some bored data broker, your travel history includes a 48-hour rental called “Operation Blackjack.”

4. Your Criminally Inexcusable Toll Violation Record
Ever racked up $113 in tolls in a single day without realizing it? You did. And Hertz knows. And now so do the hackers. Your secret identity as “Bridge Bandit #4872” is officially blown, and the state of New Jersey is coming for you — with interest.

5. That You Always Decline the Insurance but Drive Like You’re in Fast & Furious 12
You told the agent, “No thanks, my card covers it,” as you knowingly sped off into a rainstorm with one arm out the window. The data trail now proves that your average rental lasts 2.3 days and returns with 0.7 working tires. Good luck applying for that premium Amex now, Speed Racer.

Data breaches come and go. But your rental history? That shame is forever.