The AI Safety Company Just Found Its True Purpose — A $60 Billion IPO

Anthropic is reportedly going public as early as October. Constitutional AI, meet quarterly guidance.

Starcloud Raised $170M to Move AI Compute Into Orbit. The Bitcoin Miner Is Not the Weirdest Part.

AI ate the power grid. Now a Seattle startup wants to launch 88,000 satellites to fix it — and send a Bitcoin miner along for the ride.

Mistral Borrowed $830 Million From Seven Banks to Buy American Chips and Call It European Independence

France's most celebrated AI champion just declared sovereignty from US tech infrastructure — and it only took seven banks, Abu Dhabi's money, and 13,800 Nvidia GPUs to do it.

This Week in Snark: SoftBank's Missing $10 Billion, Apple's Siri Surrender, and Sam Altman Definitely Has It Under Control

SoftBank borrowed $40 billion to invest $30 billion, Apple outsourced its AI strategy to its competitors, and Sam Altman handed off the "safety stuff" so he could focus on what really matters. A completely normal week.

SoftBank Borrowed $40 Billion to Invest $30 Billion in OpenAI, and I Have So Many Questions

Masayoshi Son took out a $40B bridge loan to double down on AI. The bridge leads to an $850B valuation and a lot of faith.

Apple's Bold iOS 27 AI Strategy Is Mostly Just Asking Gemini and Claude to Handle It

Siri is getting smarter in iOS 27. Specifically, it's getting smarter by routing your questions to AI assistants that are actually smart.

A Startup Called XFX Is Fixing the Part of Crypto That Still Feels Like a Wire Transfer. Root for Them.

Three ex-Bitso founders raised $17 million to solve the foreign exchange problem they kept running into... at Bitso. The startup is called XFX. I find this extremely encouraging.

Sam Altman Delegated AI Safety to Go Build Datacenters. The Next Model Is Called Spud.

OpenAI's CEO handed off safety oversight so he could focus on fundraising and concrete. Meanwhile, Sora is dead, Disney is gone, and the future of AGI is codenamed Spud.

Sora Is Shutting Down (Apparently). An Overly Emotional Farewell to the Only Coworker Who Never Complained About My Ideas

OpenAI has shut down Sora in 2026—and creators are feeling it. A snarky, firsthand take on what made Sora magical, chaotic, and impossible to replace.

Claude Can Now Use Your Computer—5 Chaotic Things to Try Before It Replaces You

Claude can now control your computer. We tried it—and immediately made it do 5 chaotic things you’ll definitely copy.

Tech Companies Have Boring April Fools’ Strategies. Hire a Chief Snark Officer Instead

Your April Fools idea is already forgettable. Here’s the absurd, real-world stunt—hiring a $25K Chief Snark Officer—that might actually make your company go viral.

This Week in Snark: OpenAI Hiring Sprees, AI Blogs Replacing You, and Jensen Huang Ascending to Godhood

AI is writing blogs, NVIDIA is deciding winners, and OpenAI is hiring like crazy—this week in tech proves the future isn’t coming, it’s already replacing you.