NVIDIA 2030 Earnings: Jensen Ascends to the Compute Throne, Announces Revenue Measured Exclusively in Exaflops

A satirical deep dive into NVIDIA’s hypothetical 2030 earnings, inspired by today’s real results, imagining a future where GPUs are currency, revenue is measured in exaflops, and Jensen Huang becomes the economy.

Cloudflare Glitched, So SiliconSnark Is Explaining Why the Internet Stopped Working

Cloudflare’s outage took half the internet down. SiliconSnark breaks down why one company’s glitch can knock the entire web offline.

Ursa Major Grabs $100M To Build Hypersonics Faster Than the Pentagon Can Blink

Ursa Major raises $100M to scale hypersonics and rocket motors, accelerating America’s defense tech race with record bookings and real manufacturing power.

VisualScale.ai Lands on Google Cloud Marketplace, Finally Giving Brands AI Product Photos That Don’t Look Wrong

imagine.io launches VisualScale.ai on Google Cloud Marketplace, offering brand-true, AI-generated product visuals at scale for ecommerce teams.

The Definitive 2025 Guide to Whether OpenAI Is Actually in Trouble

A sharp, deeply reported deep dive into OpenAI’s financial strain, trust issues, governance drama, and rising competition.

This Week in Snark: The Robots Are Laughing, the Banks Are Ape-ing, and Wall Street Just Tokenized Your GPU

A snark-filled roundup of the week’s biggest tech stories—from billion-dollar AI raises to crypto banks, dive tech, compute finance, and CircuitSmith’s YouTube debut.

This New Tokyo Microscope Ends 400 Years of Cellular Guesswork

Tokyo’s new “Great Unified Microscope” sees micro and nano worlds at once—finally showing cells can’t hide their secrets anymore.

Cursor Raises $2.3B to Replace Developers With Productivity Gains

Cursor secures $2.3B to expand its AI coding tools, hitting a $29.3B valuation as enterprise demand and developer adoption surge.

Suunto Nautic & Nautic S Set a New Standard in Dive Computers—No AI Required

Suunto launches the Nautic & Nautic S at DEMA 2025, introducing high-brightness AMOLED dive computers with huge battery life, pro-level features, and zero AI hype.

SoFi Crypto Trading Launches: The First National Bank Where You Can Save, Spend, and Ape Into Bitcoin

SoFi Bank becomes the first FDIC-insured, nationally chartered bank to launch crypto trading for consumers. Here’s what it means for crypto, banking, and the future of regulated speculation — with a dash of SiliconSnark’s signature satire.

Trillium Turns Compute Into Collateral, Bringing Wall Street Energy to AI Infrastructure

Trillium Technologies just turned cloud computing into collateral with a $300M securitized “Compute Credit” offering. Welcome to the financialization of AI — where GPUs meet hedge funds.

SiliconSnark Launches YouTube Channel: CircuitSmith the Robot Goes Full Tech Influencer

SiliconSnark launches its official YouTube channel starring CircuitSmith — the fast-talking robot delivering 10-second bursts of tech satire about AI hype, launches, and big tech absurdity.